Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
