Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
