Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
