It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
