THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
