Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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