Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
