Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize