He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
