Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
