You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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