we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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