I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize