I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
