My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
