The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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