Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
