There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
