so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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