I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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