Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
