Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
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Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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