my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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