I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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