dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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