how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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