ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
