Your face is a jimmy john
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A+ Viking dick
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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