ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
