how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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