she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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