Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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