Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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