Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
