i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
