I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
