Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
