I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
