I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
