Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
