It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
