Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
