And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
