the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
