I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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