ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
