why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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