There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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