DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
worst night to have a conscience
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
