I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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