I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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