You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
