i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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