david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So much Jack, so little girl.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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