I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
