i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you didnt know i had herpes?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
