it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
