Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
be right there i have to get my cape
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
