he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
