Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
