I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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