im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This baby is an asshole
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
