I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
