how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
