the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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