It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YAS. BRING CRAB.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
