i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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