A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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