We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
