So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone came in the potted fern
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
