I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
